Repeat after me: "I can do this!"

During 'Fuck Fest Friday" - the aptly named worst workout of the week at my box- I found myself doing what I routinely do during a WOD - talking myself out of and then back into and then out of completing the workout. Somewhere along the way, during the box jumps, I started to gag. I looked up to my coach who, in good coach style, laughed at me. It was exactly what I needed to keep pushing through - a reminder that I wasn't dying. Who laughs at a dying person?

I competed in the crossfit games a few months ago and while I'm far from the best, it spurred an ambition inside me that I hadn't had before. I wanted to get competitive. To be one of the best. How that would fit in with my new teaching career and life in general I didn't really know but ambitions rarely - and for good reason - start from a place of knowing.

To start with, I worked with crossfitting buddies to complete a month of "no sugar" - we posted every meal we ate and steered away from naughty treats, bar one yummy cheat meal a week. I felt like it was really working for me and was starting to see a difference in my body. The problem occurred when I weighed in at the end of the month - no change. Were the differences I saw imaginary? With that I started to question my nutritional knowledge: should I be aiming to lose weight? To eat fewer carbs/more? To count macros? To eat more calories or less? To live a 'count - free' life?!

Work stress burst in and I started getting to the box fewer times and this, I think, is where I went wrong. Not because I didn't make it the gym. Let's face it, everyone's gets stressed sometimes, skips the gym a few nights and chooses the scrummy chinese, pjs and bad tv alternative - it happens. The problem started when this meant that I lost my confidence in my workouts and forgot my progress to date. I started to spend more time comparing myself to others in the box, their performance and progress. I was (and I really can't speak from a point of renewed enlightenment - I continue to) compare myself to the elite of my box. It's at this point that everything starts to feel a bit pointless - I'm never going to be quick enough - strong enough- or be able to commit (long term) the same volume of time to my box as they are. The 3-5 workouts a week I do started to feel insufficient and a poor attempt at living a healthy, strong life. 

I'm not saying that I've figured it out but I know an intevention is needed. It's not realistic or useful to compare myself to other people in the box. I need to focus on my PB's (personal bests), my performance, my progress...

So, here it is, my SMARTer targets for September (starting before but continuing through)

Make every effort to go to the box 5-6x a week

At the weekends, use open gym to focus on my weaknesses, namely:

Strength: Deadlifts

Gymnastic: Handstand push ups

And lastly, in WODs, push hard, go 'blue' and remember you're not going to die...Gagging equals gains, right?!